This case involves a 30 year old female from Russia who had a difficult time with sex. There was a huge conflict going on in her head about sex being right or wrong.
I was first contacted by her husband who thought he may be suffering from premature ejaculation. After a short conversation I told him he was well within the normal range and even closer to getting an Olympic medal if they ever offered one for sexual endurance. I told him based on his sexual activities with his wife the problem rested with her.
About 2 months later after a lot of coaxing and convincing from her husband, she finally called and made an appointment. When I first met her she was kind and cordial, however a bit confused as to why she was coming to see me. I explained to her that her husband was starting to doubt himself in his ability to please her sexually. He had expressed he felt incomplete in his ability to make her experience an orgasm.
At first she was very shy and did not want to talk about her sex life because she felt it was inappropriate. I accepted that on face value, however I soon discovered that had a deeper meaning. Generally people don’t discuss the intimate details of their sex life except with the most trusted people in their lives. However in her case, she did not even want to discuss sex with her husband.
So in this case we started to discuss her husband’s sexual desire and wanting of intimate time with her. It is at this point the key bit of information was discovered. She just came straight out and said sex was dirty and to enjoy it was a sin, and she did not want to talk about it.
The key word here was ‘Sin’ and that very quickly points to religion playing a part in the problem. So the topic changed to religion and I started to understand where her head was at. As it turned out she belonged to a fairly small religious sect who felt sex was a sin and that sex was only to make babies. Any pleasure from sex was sinful and when she had sex with her husband, she did everything she possibly could to keep from having an orgasm.
So it was very clear this was just another example of why sex and religion don’t mix. She was taught by someone in her religious sect that sex was wrong. So this case suddenly became a bit more of a challenge than the typical female sexual dysfunction case. In her case the problem was rooted in her core values and not as a result of some trauma. I also concluded at this point that her husband needed to be more involved and I asked her to sign a privacy release so I could talk about it with her husband. She agreed and signed the release.
In the end the first discovery session ended in some basic hypnotic suggestions saying it was OK and not a sin to talk about sex with her husband or with me. That allowed me to talk to her husband and get him up to speed on the problem and what needed to be done.
A few days later she came in for her second appointment and I felt that I needed more time than the standard time for this appointment, so I added an extra 30 minutes as more discovery needed to be done. The talk was about the history of her sect and what she knew about it. So as we dug deeper I started to point out to her that the people who suggested sex was bad most likely had their own sexual problems. So rather than deal with it in whatever way was available at the time, they encouraged others in the sect to limit sex to more or less mimic their problem. This suggestion successfully planted doubt in the wisdom of sex being wrong or somehow a sin. We continued to point out other flawed wisdom of the past both inside and outside of religion, and she gradually started to accept she may be following a flawed belief. This was reinforce with hypnosis and that ended the second session.
In the third session we continued to focus on the wisdom of the past and how science has proven so many things to be wrong, myths, or just out and out deceptions. We talked about other religions and how for the most part they did not totally abolish sex, and that sex was allowed between married couples. This started her thinking that sex was perhaps not so wrong after all. That thinking too was reinforced with hypnosis thus removing some of her fears.
Before the fourth session her husband had reported greater sexual activity and more willingness on her part to let go and just enjoy sex. This was significant as it said we had turned the corner. All that remained was to let her feel it was OK to just let go and enjoy sex to the fullest. That goal was accomplished over the next few sessions and the need for continued therapy was not needed.